


(these past few days) i seem like someone else

by WaifsandStrays



Series: Walk With the Devil [2]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor is Bad at Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Explicit Sexual Content, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Soft Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Soft Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Trans Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:54:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaifsandStrays/pseuds/WaifsandStrays
Summary: Avoiding feelings and awkward situations is what Angel Dust excels at, so why does he hate it so much when Alastor does it to him?In which Angel and Alastor have to deal with the consequences of their decisions before they can move forward...
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)
Series: Walk With the Devil [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716331
Comments: 12
Kudos: 238





	1. no lover's fool

**Author's Note:**

> Look before you leap kids!
> 
> Title and chapter titles are taken from I Don't Know How to Love Him from Jesus Christ Superstar which is ironic as hell because it's the perfect Angel Dust falling in love song!
> 
> Edit as of 5/8/20: I did not ask for constructive criticism, please don't leave it. Everything I put into my stories is 100% how I want it to be. Maybe in the future what you are concerned about will be addressed, you'll have to wait and see. Maybe it was something triggering for me that I bypassed to get on with writing what I wanted to write. In that case, I won't be clarifying because I don't owe anyone that. Thank you.

**_If he doesn't stop watching me…_** Angel turned away from Alastor's searching eyes and tucked himself further into a corner of the bar. Husk spared him a single glance, pushing another glass of something fruity, non alcoholic and electric pink across the wood. 

"What'd you do this time?" Husk asked, eyes on the other demon staring Angel down. Alastor was ostensibly talking to Charlie and Vaggie but since he never took his eyes off Angel it was clear why he was really there.

"Didn't do nothin'," Angel said bitterly. He tugged the collar of his sweater up higher, trying to bury himself in the fabric. He shivered and took the drink, sucking it down desperately.

"No booze in that, kid," Husk said. If Husk were anyone else, Angel would say he was concerned. Angel pasted on a smile and stood up, tipping Husk a wink.

"Aw, Husky, don't you worry 'bout little ole me! I'm just fine, baby-" A chill raced up Angel's neck and he had to stop himself from cowering. He swallowed hard and turned to face those red eyes staring him down, Alastor's anger crackling like sparks under his skin.

The Radio Demon was right there, inches from Angel's back, and no one seemed to know how he'd gotten there. Not even Alastor. He spared Angel a single dismissive look and struck up a conversation with Husk as if he hadn't just terrified them both.

Angel scoffed and walked away, ignoring Charlie's attempts to get him to stay and socialize. Angel had had all of Alastor that he could take tonight and if the other demon got any closer, Angel was going to snap.

But of course Alastor wouldn't accept that.

Angel scowled at the Shadow dodging his steps as he turned to face it. He crossed his arms under his chest and glared. "Leave me alone."

It chittered, mouth curling up impossibly. It spread clawed hands and shrugged as if to say _I do what he tells me to do._

Angel didn't care. "Fuck off. And while you're at it- Tell Alastor the same thing! I don't want shit to do with him. Not after-" Angel broke off, face heating. He didn't want to think about that. Not now, not ever.

The Shadow made a gentle cooing noise and Angel just couldn't take it. He took off at a run to his room, throwing the door closed and locking it. He turned up every light in the room, flooding every corner with light while he drew the curtains.

No more spying Shadow. No more bullshit. No more Alastor. At least for the time being.

Angel sank down on his bed and drew his legs up to his chest. Fat Nuggets snuffled at his side, trying to squirm into his lap. Angel gave in and pulled the little pig into his arms and held him, sighing.

The bite, scarred and white and ragged, hidden under his clothes burned. Angel wished he could cut it out, rip it from his skin. But it was as permanent as his fucked up feet, something Angel would have for the rest of his afterlife.

**_Fuck you very much Alastor._ **

Angel closed his eyes and tried to fight it but memories of that awful night trickled back in.

_Angel slumped in Alastor's hold, shivering as he leaned against the other demon. Alastor was clinging to him, cock still jerking inside him, while his frequencies buzzed._

_"Baby?" Angel dared to say, touching Alastor's hair gently. He was sex stupid and maybe a little slow to realize Alastor was slowly stiffening up, the buzzing becoming harsher._

_A snarl. Tearing pain as Alastor ripped them apart and pushed Angel to the floor. Angel rolled over, hands reflexively pushed between his legs because **fucking ow** , and Alastor was looming over him like… like a monster._

_His eyes were gone, replaced by radio dials, and his antlers were massive twisting branches of bone. Angel looked into that face and was sure he was about to die._

_"How dare you?" Alastor snapped, jaws gone loose and unhinged like a snake. "Do you have any idea what you've done to me?"_

_Angel's neck burned like fire. "I-I didn't do anythin'-"_

_"Silence, whore!" The wind howled outside the room as Alastor's eyes burned. "I can't kill you, not now, but I will make you regret this night. Regret making me lose myself this way."_

_"What are you talking about?" Angel fumbled for his robe to cover himself. He felt, absurdly, like crying._

_Alastor snarled, a horrid sound. "We're mated now, **dearest**. Til death do us part. I'm sure you're pleased."_

He'd left after that. Left Angel in a heap on the floor, bleeding, sore and used. And confused. So confused.

Angel buried his face in Nugget's warm belly and tried not to sob. Angel had asked Charlie in a roundabout way about matings and how to break them but she'd only said that there wasn't one and then she'd gotten all starry eyed that Angel might be interested in forever love. He'd even called in favors with his more influential clients but no one had turned anything up.

The facts were simple. Angel belonged to Alastor. Forever. Until they died. Because, wonderfully enough, neither of them could live without the other now. Which meant Angel was petrified to leave the hotel because God forbid Alastor have a _weakness_ running loose.

It wasn't just that, Angel knew. It was _who_ Alastor had mated. A Lust sinner, a human born soul with no special powers to speak of, a whore who'd had half of Hell inside him. The list went on. Angel had had plenty of time to make it while Alastor avoided him.

It seemed like every night Alastor would find someplace else to be, somewhere that Angel wasn't. He wouldn't talk to Angel or about Angel yet he stared. Constantly.

Angel had had enough the night before and cornered him, demanding to know why Alastor was treating him like he was diseased all of the sudden.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Angel had snapped the night before. Alastor's patronizing grin had been all it had taken for Angel to start throwing things.

 ** _Ain't shit wrong with me,_** Angel thought bitterly. He was who he was. Alastor should have thought of that before he- before he- God, Angel couldn't even think it.

A knock. Not gentle like Charlie or Nifty. Not rough like Husk. Alastor never bothered knocking at all. Great. Just what he needed.

Angel got up and let Vaggie in because otherwise she'd just let herself in and Angel liked having an intact door. "What do you want?"

Vaggie crossed her arms and scowled. "What is going on with you and Alastor? You won't even look at him and all he does is stare after you like a lost puppy."

Angel scoffed. It sounded like he garbled broken glass. "Fuck off."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." Vaggie sat on the edge of his bed, looking as uncomfortable as Angel felt. "Did… did he hurt you?"

 ** _Yes._** "No."

"Angel. I know I don't act like it but I care about you. If he hurt you, he's gone."

Panic. "No! Vaggie, Charlie needs him. This hotel needs him. We're sitting ducks without his protection and you know it!" Angel was on his feet and pacing now. "Val's just _waitin'_ for a reason to knock this place over and if Val is in so is Vox and with _Vox_ comes _Velvet_ and-"

A hand, gentler than he would have thought, covered his mouth. "Shh," Vaggie said, voice soft. " _Cállate, dulce idiota._ Sit down before you fall down."

She guided him back to his bed and Angel let himself fall. He covered his eyes with an arm and let her hold onto his shoulder. "Vags, I'm just-"

"Start at the beginning," she said firmly and… And Angel did. He told her everything. The blood, the sex, the mating bite and the silence every night since. She was angry, he could tell, but for once it was _for him_ and not at him.

" _¡Maldito pedazo de mierda!_ " Vaggie snapped, pacing the room. Her eyes were glowing slits and Angel was almost afraid. She rounded on him. "I'll kill him. I don't know how and I don't know when but I will."

"Vaggie… Don't. It's not worth it. Just because he- he blames me for-"

"For something he did!" Vaggie sat down, pulled two of Angel's hands into hers. "Angel, he took away your choice. He never asked you what you wanted."

"I told him I wanted him. I wanted to be on his arm and have the world at my feet," Angel said, the words like poison on his tongue. "All he did was gimme what I asked for."

"No. He didn't." Vaggie's eyes were hard. "Angel, he took your freedom away from you. Worse than Valentino ever did!"

Angel couldn't hear anymore. He stood up and brushed past her to the door. "Please leave. I'd like to be alone now."

Vaggie stood up. "Alright. But I'm here if you need me." She hesitated a moment in the doorway, resting a hand on Angel's arm. She squeezed gently then was gone.

Angel moved to close his door but a shiny shoe jammed into the gap stopped him. He narrowed his eyes and tried to close it harder. "No."

"Yes." Alastor pushed his way into Angel's room, locking the door behind them. That was fairly normal. He shooed Fat Nuggets into the bathroom and closed it. That was not.

"What are you doing?" Angel asked, folding his arms over his body. He backed himself onto his bed and sat on the edge.

Alastor paced in front of him, the ambient noise around him agitated and flipping channels rapidly. Angel caught snatches of song - _La Vie en Rose_ , _Someone to Watch Over Me_ , countless others that he couldn't remember or make out - mixed with the howling of animals.

"You can't keep doing this to me," Angel said softly. "You didn't want this, I get that. But I didn't make you do it and no amount of ignoring me can change what's done. Fuck, I wish I could undo it but I can't. I can't free you from this so just- just stop _punishing me for it_!"

Alastor stopped suddenly, his eyes wide. Abruptly, the music cut out and there was nothing but ringing silence. His mouth, for once without a grin, hung open.

"I… I haven't been good to ya, _cher_ ," Alastor said, the accent back in his voice. His raw voice. "I know dat. Ya got every right ta hate me. I'd hate me."

Angel scoffed, blinking back tears. "I don't hate you. I just don't like you very much right now."

"I can' blame ya there either." Alastor sank down onto the bed slowly, gingerly. Like he wasn't sure Angel would let him. Angel almost didn't. "But I- Lemme start over. Please. If ya don' like whatcha hear, I'll go. And never darken ya door again."

Maybe it was the accent. Or maybe it was the fact that Alastor actually looked… vulnerable for once. Like it would hurt him if Angel said no.

"Fine. Say what you gotta say then get the fuck out."

Alastor took a deep ragged breath. "I never thought I'd do dis. Take a mate. Never wanted the responsibility or the… the _weakness_. But it was more'n dat. I didn' think I could feel dat way 'bout anyone, _cher_ , want 'em like dat. Like I wanted ya."

He looked at his hands like they belonged to a stranger.

"Angel, I ain't ever done this before. Not a bit of it. I don' know how ta be ya mate, ya partner. I don' know how ta satisfy ya in bed or keep ya wit' me. Ya woulda been better off wit' anyone but me. But I didn' give ya the choice."

Alastor swallowed hard. "Angel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took ya choices, I'm sorry I made ya feel so bad, I'm sorry I blamed ya. I-I was just… Angel, I'm scared. Ya gonna wake up one day an' realize I'm nothin'. Not the big shot ya thought or the man ya thought. Just me."

Angel reached out slowly and laid a hand on Alastor's wrist. "I _like_ just you, you big idiot. You think I'd have put up with all this shit if I didn't?"

Alastor turned his hand over slowly and took Angel's hand in his, running gentle fingers over the delicate bones of his wrist. "I didn' know what ta think. I told ya. I ain't never done dis before."

"Well," Angel said with a shrug. "Me neither. You think I had suitors lined up to bang on my door all day? I'm not exactly a prize here."

Alastor's eyes shot up to his, wide and wondering. "What ya mean? Angel, ya the most beautiful thing I ever seen in life or death. Ya exquisite, _cher_."

Angel's cheeks flushed. "I'm a whore, Alastor. I'm not exactly what everyone wants to bring home to their ma, you know?"

"I woulda." Alastor wouldn't look at him. "And… And she woulda loved ya." He sighed softly. "Just like I'm gonna love ya. If I can. As close to it as I can."

Angel's heart squeezed. It wasn't the story book declaration of love that he'd dreamed of once upon a time but it was better. It was real.

"I think I'm gonna love you too," he said finally. "One day. If you'll let me."

"I'd like dat, _cher_. I'd like dat."


	2. should i speak of love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no self control lmfao

Angel didn't know how it happened, one moment they were talking, spilling their metaphorical guts to each other, and the next he and Alastor were kissing.

Alastor made a soft noise, quiet and human, against his lips and Angel was helpless to deny him. He slipped into Alastor's lap slowly, giving the other demon plenty of time to push him away, twining his arms around Alastor's neck.

"Shh," Angel whispered against his lips. "Shh, _caro mio_ , I've got you." He nuzzled their noses together and shivered as Alastor's hands roamed his back.

"Angel, _cher_ ," Alastor gasped. He pulled back, pressing kisses to Angel's neck while Angel squirmed. A hint of teeth and Angel melted against him, crushing them closer.

"You keep doing that," Angel moaned, "and I won't be held accountable for what I do." He was joking but Alastor pulled back and looked at him with steady eyes.

"I don' want ya ta be. I want ya to-" Alastor broke off, face coloring spectacularly. He buried his face in his hands and Angel had to pry them loose.

"Alastor? Baby? What's wrong?"

"I told ya I didn' know how ta do dis!" Alastor peeked up at him from under his hair. "I don' know how ta seduce ya!"

Angel covered Alastor's lips with his fingers. "You're doing just fine." Angel toyed with the hem of his sweater, biting his lip. "I really didn't even know if you'd wanna… _you know_ now that I'm not bleeding anymore."

"Oh, that." Alastor shrugged his shoulders. "Smell's what drew me in, _cher_ , not what keepin' me here." He leaned in, took a deep inhale from the curve of Angel's neck. "I'm here 'cause ya mine."

Angel shivered and rocked his hips, an almost involuntary motion. The thin leggings he wore did nothing to help hide Alastor's thickening cock trapped behind the other demon's zipper. Alastor gasped against Angel's throat and Angel had to do it again.

Alastor's hands gripped his hips, holding Angel in place far too easily. "Nona dat _cher_ , ya already gonna make dis far too quick."

Angel smirked. "You saying I'm too hot for you to handle?"

"Ain't been a demon born yet could handle ya. I jus' wanna keep up."

It was strangely the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him. Angel was about to tell Alastor so when he felt a shy touch just under his sweater, a tentative palm spreading flat over his belly.

Angel stayed still as that hand inched further and further up, biting his lip as the fingers brushed the lace of his bra and seemed to falter. He was about to tell Alastor that he didn't need to be scared of it when Alastor surprised him yet again.

Angel's sweater was pulled up under his chin, baring his stomach and chest to the room. The blood red lace of the bra - chosen perhaps subconsciously now that Angel could see how well it matched Alastor's colors - was harsh against his white fur.

Angel could feel his nipples hardening, see them starting to poke at the lace. Alastor noticed too it seemed, bringing his hand up to rub his thumb across one.

Angel moaned. He couldn't stop it.

Luckily Alastor took it as encouragement. He cupped Angel's tits in his hands, kneading them gently. He seemed… fascinated. By them. By everything really, that Angel let him do.

It was charming in an absolutely devastating way.

Alastor's hands fumbled behind his back, fidgeting with the clasp. Angel giggled and pushed him back gently, reaching back himself to undo it. He pushed the sweater up and off, tossed the bra onto the bed behind them.

"Takes practice, baby," Angel said softly, laying one set of arms over Alastor's shoulders while the other held his waist. 

💮💮💮

Alastor laid his head on Angel's chest, kneading and cradling his breasts as he listened to Angel's heart pound.

Such a curious sound, strong and steady, yet so delicate, so easily halted. Alastor felt a rush of power flow to his fingertips, ready at a moment's notice to defend that precious sound and the person it belonged to.

Alastor fought it back, unwilling to let even a spark slip past him and singe Angel's beautiful fur. Angel was pristine, perfect, and he would stay that way. Angel would never again cower under the hands of men too crass and vulgar to know what he was worth, never again feel their touch staining him.

Alastor hadn't gotten around to that part yet, his little… engagement present tied up in a ribbon and waiting for them at the Tower. But their guest would keep. And keep. And keep. His Shadow would make sure of that.

They had all the time in the world now, eternity stretched out before them, and Alastor was still shocked to discover that he was looking forward to it.

He turned his head, pressed his lips to the valley between Angel's breasts and breathed deep. "Ya smell like-"

"Heaven?" Angel said with a sweet wry twist to those full lips. Alastor had to lean up and kiss it. Angel indulged him for a moment before he bore them back onto the bed, pulling Alastor down and into the cradle of his body.

"You said that last time," Angel reminded him. As if he needed to, as if Alastor hadn't spent the last week and a half with every second of their encounter playing in his mind at his every waking moment.

"I know," Alastor said, softer than he meant to, that damn Creole sneaking into his words. "Don' make it no' true." He touched Angel's cheek and snapped his fingers.

💮💮💮

Their clothes were gone, Angel's bed was gone. Angel blinked, craning his head to look around, confused by the grass prickling his back. He looked past Alastor's head and gasped.

 _Stars_! Angel hadn't seen real stars since… since he'd died. He looked at Alastor in wonder. "Where are we- How did you-"

Alastor smiled, not the wide toothy grin he showed everyone else but something smaller and endearingly crooked. "S'a memory, _cher_. A li'le piece a home."

Angel kissed him, slow and deep, trying to pour every bit of his heart into it. _Thank you for trusting me with this piece of you… I promise to treat it gently…_

Alastor broke the kiss to move down Angel's body, carding through the fur over his breasts until he could suck at Angel's nipples. Angel had never been crazy about having them played with much before but it seemed like everything Alastor did just lit him up from the inside.

Angel rocked his hips, looking for any friction he could find. He ended up rubbing his aching cunt against Alastor's stomach, gasping quietly into the warm night air. Alastor shivered in his arms as he reluctantly left Angel's tits alone to look at him.

Shaking fingers brushed over his wet folds and Angel had to stop himself from looking down in shock. Alastor's cheeks were pink and he couldn't seem to look anywhere but Angel's face even as he slipped a finger into Angel's cunt.

"Y-you don't have to do that," Angel whispered, eyes fluttering closed. His first set of arms had come to rest on Alastor's elbows, squeezing gently. He moaned softly as Alastor added another finger and crooked them up. "I-I can take you just f-"

"I hurt ya," Alastor said. "Las' time. I don' wanna eva do it again." His eyes were haunted.

Angel reached down with one of his secondary arms and rubbed his thumb across the head of Alastor's leaking cock. "You hurt me when you left me. So," Angel said, pulling Alastor's fingers free and lining his cock up. "Just don't ever leave me again."

Fuck, he hadn't meant to sound so… desperate. When he said it. Angel closed his eyes and pulled Alastor to him, sinking his thick cock into his cunt in one smooth thrust. Alastor keened in his arms while Angel squirmed under him.

"I-I won'," Alastor gasped into his neck, rocking his hips in slow deep waves. " _Je ne te quitterai jamais, cher. Comment aurais-je pu te quitter?_ "

Angel had no idea what he was saying but he'd have to be stupid not to be able to read that tone. Tears pricked his eyes but Angel swiped them away. He gathered Alastor's head to his chest, holding him as best he could through their lovemaking.

Because, well, that's what it was, wasn't it?

"Shh, _mio caro_ ," he whimpered, cunt clenching. Alastor whined and fucked into him harder at that, the base of his cock already swelling. Angel rubbed his clit, trying to relax. "Come on, baby, knot me, that's it."

Angel shuddered, his cunt clenching and gushing as he came. Alastor groaned and pushed into him deeper, his knot popping into place even as Angel spasmed. Angel whined as hot cum flooded him, spurt after spurt, until Alastor went limp above him, whimpering.

Angel kissed his sweaty temple, wrapping around him with arms and legs. He whispered soft words, quiet endearments and gentle praise, holding Alastor through the tremors as his cunt squeezed around cock and knot both.

 _ **I think I love you…**_ Angel thought, floating. He stroked Alastor's hair, rubbed his delicate ears, the base of his antlers. _**I don't care if you can never love me back, I don't care if you're not capable of it, this is enough.**_

💮💮💮

 _ **I adore you**_ , Alastor thought hazily. He could barely think past the pleasure sinking into his bones. He felt as if he'd been hollowed out and his insides replaced with champagne, fizzing and delicate. 

He relaxed under Angel's hands and let himself drift, content and… safe. For the first time in so long, he felt safe.

And that, that ephemeral fleeting feeling of belonging and home, was worth everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the next part in the series where Lucifer throws a party, Lilith throws shade and Angel throws drinks!
> 
> Oh! And they address the little "present" waiting in the Radio Tower~

**Author's Note:**

> On to the smut because I have zero self control.
> 
> Also Vaggie and Angel are friends, fight me. Xoxo


End file.
